When you internalize something while meditating on mystic symbols, what you receive is often hard to put into words, and impossible to teach from a technical, results-oriented standpoint. A spontaneous experience of beauty can't really be known or held onto.
That's one reason I remain skeptical of structured initiation and experimentation, though I'm willing to try it. In my personal practice, I'm not trying to achieve anything. I'm trying to be anything, and nothing. Perhaps the eternal is paradoxically transient, and the only way to connect with it is to let it pass through you and then let it go.
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